Trusting humans can be a mistake

By Lethbridge Herald on October 4, 2024.

LEAVE IT TO BEEBER
Al Beeber – Managing editor

I’ve always believed most people are good at heart. And being a senior who’s seen a lot and lived a lot, I’m still naive in that way.

And being naive has caused me humiliation over the years.

 Being trusting and friendly is my nature but that nature at times has left me scarred, insulted and kicking myself for being played for a fool.

I can look back to my childhood which I remember vividly at 65 and think about instances when I thought I was being bullied. And there were times when I probably was – like dogs seeing opportunity when a timid golden retriever lays down in submission, kids can sense an easy target.

I was one of those targets because I was that timid kid but with the friendships I’ve developed over the years with people I thought were my tormentors, I’ve realized they were often just kids being kids and what may have come across as being bullying was just their way of reaching out to get me to engage with them.

Yeah, the staples that were slammed into my back when I walked unsuspectingly into home room in Grade 10 really hurt. 

But if I hadn’t walked naively into that room without looking behind the door the second and third time after that prank, it wouldn’t have happened again. But I made myself a target. And trust me, staples are really hard to pull out of skin even when you get the hang of it.

And I now sort of get why I was mocked for playing clarinet when all the other boys in Grade 6 were playing trumpet and trombone. I was ahead of my time but was there malice in that? Maybe not as much as I imagined. When kids are a bit different, others don’t understand why and can do things that later on they’ll regret. A few of us have talked about that often over the years when we look back at classmates among us who were not understood, who nobody took the time to get to know or were afraid to. But that’s childhood. You can’t expect the same high standards of behaviour from children as you might from adults.

As an adult, though, I’ve experienced real malice, which can’t be forgiven for the insensitivity and immaturity of youth. I’ve trusted the wrong people and been humiliated as a result.

I’ve listened to and read texts in confidence from people venting about their co-workers and others in various situations and have never shared what I’ve been told. 

Everybody knows what is said to me and texted to me in confidence stays with me. It’s  a matter of personal respect. And it’s how I’ve managed to build so many relationships in my 44 plus year career. I’m a vacuum, not a leaf blower.

But I’ve experienced on too many occasions over the decades that same trust being betrayed, and it’s frustrating because I’ve always believed trust is mutual. 

But it’s not. That is as much a fantasy as the Tooth Fairy or Santa Claus.

In this world, some people put themselves first and they’ll take advantage of anyone just as quickly as a pack of dogs jump on that golden retriever. Some would throw their mothers under the bus if they could benefit. 

Some people are habitual bullies whose only purpose in life is to antagonize others and who get validation from making others’ lives miserable.

How some can live with their consciences I don’t know – maybe they don’t have one.

I’ve paid the price over the years for trusting and I’m now finally beginning to see why so many among us don’t trust a soul. Why so many people are completely jaundiced about the world we live in. Why so many people are pessimistic and doubtful about what they hear, see and read. 

 Because trust is too often misplaced in this world. 

I know that for fact and my naivete is disappearing as quickly as water in a reservoir during a drought. 

Finally, I’m learning not to be naive. It’s a lesson that is going to be reflected in the way I deal with people in all walks of life as I move forward on this journey called life. 

It’s often been said that nobody can truly trust a dog but in my experience, dogs at least have the courage to show their fangs to a person’s face. 

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