Rhinoceros Party always good for a laugh
By Lethbridge Herald on April 11, 2025.
LEAVE IT TO BEEBER – Al Beeber
Anyone remember the Rhinoceros Party?
A parody party, it was founded way back in 1963 to offer “an almost credible alternative to voters disillusioned by traditional parties. Promising funnier lies of superior quality, our candidates are softer and more silky than any competitors’ brand.”
I first became acquainted with the party in the early 1980s after starting my newspaper career as a sports writer. Several of my colleagues and others would meet over beverages at a local Fort Frances eatery across from the newspaper called Gramma’s to discuss the party platform. Being a sports writer, I didn’t have time to attend those drinking sessions, er meetings, because I was too busy covering hockey, curling, softball, et cetera.
But I do remember clearly during one election campaign when a reporter was tasked with the job of ascertaining the most likely winner based on yard signs, which had to be the least scientific poll imaginable. She came back after several hours driving through Fort Frances neighbourhoods and triumphantly proclaimed to all of us that the winner was going to be….Century 21!
That type of humour was shared by the Rhinos, who still actually exist.
On its website which looks like it was last updated in 2019, the party proclaims:
1) Our lies surpass all the standards of ridicule of Parliament.
2) Recognized by Elections Canada, our candidates have gathered more than 15,250,000 lies of experience.
3) All our election promises have standard warranty of 2 years or 50,000 votes.
The party’s objective is to make Canadians laugh “while laughing at politicians.” And some of its platform elements are actually pretty hilarious.
For instance, the Rhinos say they will open tax havens in all provinces which will keep foreign funds local. It will also allow advertising in the House of Commons and Senate to increase revenues.
And to improve education, it will “replace teachers on leave with photos of famous scientists.”
Clearly foreseeing the future, the Rhinos promised that by 2020 all Canadians would have a job and some would actually have two. And it planned to reduce the number of accidents in factories by wrapping all workers in bubble wrap, something which I’m sure was suggested for me a few times over the years.
Its green plan consisted of forcing automakers to build more green cars, specifically in the colours of forest green, neon green, khaki green and pale green.
It also had two platforms which actually could be supported by some residents of this country – one being to make “sorry” the official Canadian motto and the other to nationalize bacon.
And in a promise eerily reminiscent of Trump’s interest in making Canada the 51st state of America, the party said it would annex Massachusetts so Canada could have winning sports teams again. Ouch.
Albertans may not find this one funny but it also promised to provide steroids to all employees for the purpose of enhancing performance to counter the impact of the physician shortage. And as a double gut punch, it planned to reduce emergency room traffic by eliminating waiting areas.
The Rhinos are apparently registered with Elections Canada and in the last federal election, fielded 27 candidates, including one in the riding of Calgary Nose Hill.
In 2015, Lethbridge had a candidate who managed to secure 209 votes.
Some will surely argue politics aren’t funny and the Rhinos should become extinct but with all the daily seriousness of life, power to them if they’re still active.
22-21
Reminds me of my beginning disillusionment with right wing politics in Alberta. So, I went into town in my rural provincial riding at the time of a provincial election and voted for the Rhinos, as a protest vote. Interestingly, the Rhinos got about 11% of the vote that year….not bad eh?! I haven’t voted for the AB Conservatives/UCP ever since.
ucp is kind of a blend of rhinoceros and dinosaur